Tuesday, 08 July 2008
** Disclaimer: This might offend some people. And if it DOES offend you, I probably wouldn’t like you anyway. So in the words of the illustrious Tupac, “I don’t give a f**k.” Read at your own risk.
Last week at work, a white male co-worker was shocked when I told him that I prefer dating Korean/Asian men. When I then pointed out that all my ex-boyfriends have been Korean, he was literally stunned (edit - this was the same coworker who told me that he thought this socially awkward geek we know in the office would end up w/an asian girl since so many of us are so desperate to date white...he then stated that he can say this to me because I clearly do not fall in that category).
STUNNED. He acted as though I had made a huge sacrifice by forgoing the opportunity to be with a white guy, also known as “God’s gift to women” in his eyes (gag me now).
Little did I know that my nonchalant, casual comment would soon spread like wildfire. I had people coming up to me (both men and women) saying, “Is it really true that you only date Asian guys?” They treated my casual comment on my dating preference as a true shocker of the year. In my humble opinion, there is no way that such a reaction (shock, stunned, surprised, etc) would have occurred if I were, say Jewish or Black, and said that I preferred Jewish or Black men. So why is it such a shocker that I, as an Asian woman, would prefer dating an Asian man? Because this country has had a long (and I mean LONG) history of desexualizing and trivializing Asian men to the point that the masses just accept these stereotypes as being true. Let’s face it – Asian guys do have it a lot harder in this country than Asian women. Asian women have a history of being portrayed and seen as the sweet, submissive, Me-Love-You-Long- Time girl. And on the flip side, we have been viewed as being overly sexual for the white man’s pleasure (again, gag me now).
Hollywood stereotypes stemming from characters like Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles have caused irreparable harm to the image of an Asian guy in this country (F**k you, John Hughes).
While white men were the white knight, capable of saving the day AND getting the girl, the Asian guy was just the chump or the one-dimensional moron incapable of being attractive.
However, growing up in a heavily Asian populated city, I always had Korean/Asian friends. I socialized with them, watched Korean dramas and idolized Korean boybands. In other words, I had an ALTERNATIVE viewpoint from Hollywood and the white man’s land that showed me that Asian men CAN be sexy, gallant, generous, talented, multifaceted and complex. My alternative media showed me different portrayals of Korean/Asian men not shown in America, which allowed me to not buy into the stereotypes and ridiculous bullshit that was being sold.
However, I have noticed that some Asian women DO buy into that shit. And it’s both sad and irritating. While I have nothing against two random people falling in love by chance (Asian/White/Black/Whatever), I DO think it’s pathetic and lame when an Asian American woman proclaims, “I only date white men” or “I don’t date Asian guys.” Not only do I think it’s pathetic, I think they sound pathetic and just really, really stupid. Then when you ask these women why, they list a bunch of reasons that sounds more like it came from Hollywood Stereotypes 101 (unintentionally affirming that yes, they really ARE that stupid). Edit - Discriminating against YOUR OWN race is pathetic because it makes you a self-loathing person. To want to date someone who SHARES your background, race, religion, etc. is NOT the same as excluding those who do. (So to the people calling me hypocritical, get a fucking clue. Thank you.)
The truth is, one of the reasons I would never want to date a white guy because I would never want to be perceived by the outside world as being THAT girl (THAT girl has the attributes that I am strongly against and would NEVER want to be associated with. Yes, these are the girls that make me want to vomit). Yes, I will sound like a bitch but fuck it, let me be honest - while THAT GIRL tends to mistakenly flaunt being with a white guy, I wouldn’t want to walk with my white boyfriend in public for fear of looking like THAT girl. The thought of having anything in common with girls that make me want to vomit is not okay with me. Moreover, I don’t want to be a seen as someone who bought into the bullshit that white media have been trying to sell about Asian guys for decades.
NONE of my friends are THAT GIRL. In fact, in our circle, being THAT GIRL meant you couldn't get an Asian guy to like you anyway. Sad.
One of my biggest fears is looking like this idiot: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ft_kY5KgCnE
Truth is, I feel sorry for women like that. I am personally not friends with women like that nor do I want to be. I think that they are an embarrassment. To stereotype and demean people who share your racial background is a travesty and clearly, they suffer from low self esteem or self-hatred of some sort.
Seriously, readers, what sucks more? Racist idiots or the self-loathing folks so desperate to sell out their own people and culture for white approval? Hmmm…tough call, ain’t it? (I choose the latter).
Let’s not forget that (in my own experience), the white guys who ARE into Asian girls tend to be Creepy. Weird. Losers. Weird. Dorks. And Weird. Personally, a cool white guy has never approached me because these objectively cool white guys have plenty of options (mostly other cool white women). They don’t need to look outside their own dating pool to dip into some Suzie-Wong- Me-Love –You-Long-Time action. And if I hear “I once dated an Asian girl” come out of another white guy’s mouth as his opening line, I just might punch him. So if my choice is between some weird, creepy, stereotype-clutching white guy or holding out for my Asian prince (see below, Mr. Coffee Prince, July 4, haha), I will hold out for my prince any day of the week.
And of course there’s the convenience factors – a Korean/Asian guy is more likely to understand my own struggles as a minority in the industry and in this country; we will likely enjoy eating the same foods (even if it’s kimchee everyday); and hopefully, he will be able to communicate with my parents and the rest of my family… at the very least, understand what they are saying OR implicitly understand the cultural values that are almost innate to us.
Plus, I am attracted to Asian guys...and no, NOT LONG DUCK DONG.
** Note: I have nothing against interracial dating...but it is just not for me. Furthermore, these rules don't apply to Asian men who score non-Asian women. Kudos to them for finding someone who isn't blindly following the definition of what an Asian man is "supposed to be."
****EDIT/UPDATE: Wow over 1,000 comments. To quote one reader, this entry is becoming epic. I haven't had time to read all of your comments but from what I have read, many of you were either sloppy with your reading or didn't bother reading all of it before jumping the gun.
^ Please read that and
before you even attempt to put me on blast. Or you will just look stupid.
Thanks to all the supporters (there were many, many, many of you, hee) who apparently knew how to read English and understood what I was talking about.