I've come to the
conclusion this week that it is a little harder for me to get along with
straight white males (SWM) than with other men.
I have no problems
with males that are racial minority (I have many Asian and black guy friends) or
with white guys who are gay (my favorite coworkers here are all gay) but I
always seem to clash with straight white men. Obviously, I haven't met every
SWM in the planet and I am only talking about my own limited experience but
quite honestly, I tend to always get into fights with them.
Why Is
That?
Example:
At my current place
of employment, I've clashed with 3 of my male coworkers already (it's a small
office) but am best friends with the gays, the women and the minorites. At my
last job, I also didn't get along with my SWM coworker either (the one I had to
work the most closely with). You know why? Because neither of us will back
down, especially when I feel like I am being talked down to (and who said Asian
women are submissive?). Last night, I got into a verbal argument with a
SWM coworker (who is NOT above me in any way) after he said something really stupid and then undermined a task
that I delegated to someone under my rank. When he got disrespectful on me, I
had to rip him a new one and the Angry Bitch in me came out with full force.
To be perfectly
honest, SWM have the world handed to them on a silver platter so they don't know
what it's like fighting an uphill battle of stereotypes and latent and blatant
racism/discrimination. Let's not deny that. And in Hollywood, these men tend
to run the industry. And on top of that, most of them are douchebags. Being a
douche is like a requisite trait to work in this town.
I also resent the
fact that if my male coworkers or my white coworkers stick up for themselves,
they are tough but if I, as an Asian woman, do the same thing, I am crazy
Korean girl with issues. And there is a part of me that suspects that they are offended that I would dare shove it back to them. At the end of the day, I am an accommodating and
friendly person and am very sweet to those who are respectful of me. But if I
feel like you are disrespecting me in any way, the Alpha, Dominant,
I-Will-Cut-You side flares out. And in my own experience, this kind of
condescending bullshit have consistently come from SWM.
Well, there you go.
I guess I answered my own question.
Comments (36)
SWM - stupid white men
@npr32486 - HAHAHAH!! Thanks for the first LOL i've had all day :D
Do you work in a law firm? That looks like one of those Superlawyer pics. I agree with most of what you have to say about SWM, but you ever catch yourself being in the wrong sometimes because you were inherently defensive?
arrogance and self-entitlement are very typical of people in power positions that have been conditioned this way since they were young... but i do know many assholes like this that are asian as well, although i have yet to meet any blacks that are like this. glad to hear that you are sticking up for yourself.
So true ...
I think WM are just jealous and feel insecure about asians in general, due to past history. Now that China is becoming a force in world i think this would only grow because I read about is anti-chinese sentiments in news
Go CHINA
lol plenty of them come much nicer... just need to wear down their arrogance a bit
It all depends on the industry you work in I guess. It seems like a lot of it happens at work rite?
I kno lots of chill white ppl, and sure they get "racist" sometimes but I just bust their balls back and its all good. I just tend to take watever they say with a grain of salt.
SWM have yellow fever. End of story. They're flirting with you nahmean?
AGH!
I hate how men can tell women anything they want to
But when women hand it back to 'em
They act like we just comitted a felony!
I agree with you all of the way on that one.
Have you ever stepped back and looked at your self? Sounds to me its a problem with you and not them. When people tend to say there is a problem with the whole world and not me it tends to be the opposite. How are you acting with them? Seems like from reading your xanga you just have a problem with white men in general. Stop playing the race card and acting like they all hate you because you are asian. You dont face an epic struggle of racism and discrimination. Everything in this post is how you are a victim and white people get things handed to them on a silver plater. Those people got to be the places they are because they worked hard. The only race that matters is GREEN! If you can make them a lot of money they dont care if you are orange. Your posts is filled with fallacious arguments and racist stereotypes.
Just maybe your the racist.(?)
Hi! So I just felt the need to comment on your entry about the douches in Hollywood. As an Asian male in the industry, I've come across a lot of douches. Agents are probably at the top of the list. But you should be careful not to possess this self-defeating "Us vs. Them" attitude.
In the 5 or so years in the business, I've come across too many Asians that take this kind of stance. Occasionally when I'm on set or in the office, I'll run into one of the few other Asian males that work in this business. Sometimes they guide the conversations towards negative stereotypical portrayals and bitterness against the white man. But I really don't see the benefit of having this mentality.
You really shouldn't lump all white men into a category. Keep an open mind and judge people on their personal characteristics. How can we expect the Hollywood elite to relinquish their prejudices if we are unable to relinquish our own?
But then again, I'm not a woman. I don't have any idea what kind of crap you have to deal with on that front. Keep up the good fight. Be like an awesome cup of coffee: strong, but not too bitter.
Somekoreanchick- I'm not hearing that you're being hated b/c you're Asian- maybe that's because I can identify with you on a lot of things. Being women, and especially women of color, I think if you are assertive at work, you hear that you're a ballbreaker. And then if you're quiet and do what you're told, you're being a "good girl," and pretty much fitting right into the stereotype of what Asian girls are supposed to be...right? I think the problem now has become that white people tend to be so adamant that racism- either blatant or subtle, does not exist that they ignore race. And then it turns us into the aggressors because we're demanding that people see discrimination where it exists. Uladh, you sound just like the lady from Tennessee who told me that "I should know my place," and then turned around and told other people she could care less about race and color, that it didn't matter whether I was white, black, gray, or GREEN.
Tell me what privligae I have being white? I sure as hell dont look very white even though I am. My father is Magyar, Our ancesters are from China. So I dont look all that white.(I have semi slanted eyes and darker skin) Not that it really matters because Im a person! AnywayI live in an Asian community. (SF) I went to an Asian school, work in an all Asian store, and even speak and good amount of cantonese.( i have to in order to speak with coworkers) I know what its like to be a minority and try and adapt to other peoples cultures to fit in. I know what its like to have people call me racial slurs. I dont go around saying that all Asians are racist just because a few are.. Dont compair me to some lady who told you to know your place. I never said that to you and dont project those feelings onto me because im as you say "white". No person ever walked up to me and gave me a bunch of money because Im white. No one ever gave me a job for being white. No one ever gave me anything for being white.
People walked all over you because you were a push over. Now youve gone to the other extreme and become in your own words " an angry bitch" No wonder you are having so much trouble with people. If people dont let you walk all over them you get mad at them. Really I dont think that you are a bad person. I just think you need to understand that most people arent treating you bad because you are asian. Its because you are being too agressive with them.There is a way of standing up for your self with out hurting others.There is a big diffrence in being assertive and aggressive and its being aware of others feelings. Try being assertive and not agressive. Respecting the rights and feelings of others as you want your own respected.
I do know that there are racists out there, but most people of all races are good fare people.Give people a chance untill they prove you otherwise. Its not the other way around
I hate SWM too. I am at the bottom looking up, even though I am a SWM. I'm starting to think I like where I am, I feel like I have clarity, even if I am heavily motivated by my own desires.
That power they are feeling? It's not power. The greatest control is control over yourself.
Oh man, I hear you on this one. Particularly true in the industry in North America too. It's making me want to return to the motherland and jump into the industry, but only to be hated by all the co-workers because they think I'm a show off speaking English all the time. (without knowing it's only due to my inability to speak excellent Mandarin)
LOL crazy korean girl with issues. but yeah again, i definately get what you mean...
@Uladh - uh no, theres nothing racist with what she's saying at all, from what i read she seems to get along with gay white men and with white women, so how does her not getting along with straight white men make her racist? :S
me being an arab i can relate. all the way over in the UK, some white people have a certain condenscending way to treat people of other races...key word here: some
Another rationalized racist posting. Beautiful. And a picture to go along with it: Some of the ugliest, least trust-worthy-looking white dudes I've ever seen.
Don't forget that there are layers of privilege - race, religion, sexual identity, gender, AND class.
lol, I feel the same way. I have no problems working with minorities and white women but i have issues with white guys. Maybe it's a defensive thing against white guys cuz i went to an all white school when i was younger and being culturally different didn't help me fit in but i usually don't like working with white guys.
"To be perfectly
honest, SWM have the world handed to them on a silver platter so they don't know
what it's like fighting an uphill battle of stereotypes and latent and blatant
racism/discrimination"
Im going to have to go ahead and completely disagree with you. First of all, whites are soon to be the minority in this country. And there is nothing wrong with that. People who walk around with an "Everyone picks on me and I have to work harder than other people because I'm asian/black/hispanic/ect" attitude, are people who really just using their race as an excuse. they are making themselves the victim, and blaming their position in life on their race.
I have read many of your entires and it is hard to come to any conclusion other than this: you don't like white men. You seem to already have your mind made up about how every white male is. You don't seem to be open at all to the possibility of being incorrect in all of your unfair assumptions, either. This would entirely explain why you don't get along with "SWM" I could be wrong, and I would be willing to listen to the truth, but this seems perfectly clear. you don't leave much room for misinterpretation.
"To be perfectly
honest, SWM have the world handed to them on a silver platter so they don't know
what it's like fighting an uphill battle of stereotypes and latent and blatant
racism/discrimination."
Pardon me, but... aren't you stereotyping "SWM" now? Aren't you just trading the "Me love you long time" stereotype for the "arrrgh i am privileged man kneel before me" stereotype?
You're taking a demographic and lumping them together into a unit, and treating them with contempt as a unit. And yes, while what you say may be based on personal experience with European-ethnicity men, I'm sure the "Me love you long time" stereotypes started from someone's experiences as well.
My point is that you're using the weapons of the enemy back on the enemy. But that doesn't solve anything.
Is it too much to ask that we approach individuals as individuals? Why must we lump everyone into categories based on things (like birthplace, genetics, ancestry) that were beyond their control? Can't we deal with people on a one-at-a-time basis instead of looking for ethnic patterns?
it's their typical way to get into your pants......
@tjbruin00 - beautifully said.
you know what? im a SWM, you know what's been handed to me on a silver platter? nothing. i've had things taken from me, dreams denied, hopes shattered, sometimes because i was a "priviledged SWM"(who lives with his parents making less than poverty level in a house that is falling apart, litteraly, yeah, real privelidged) and sometimes just because. yeah, i live in a privelidged community, but that doesnt mean i personally get any of that. i myself grew up performing on stage, and working my ass off at it because i loved it, hoping to break into the industry one day and do film work. fact of the matter is, im just not good looking or charismatic enough. i can accept that, even though i have ideas, that i think would be quite unique for films, that will most likely never come to pass. so instead of whining about how much you hate white people,(come on, lets face it, even your posts before AND AFTER this one have set that tone.) apreciate the position you are in and put all that energy to good use.
frankly, it sounds like you should relocate. and i dont say that to be mean or anything, honestly IMO hong kong and seoul put out MUCH better films than hollywood ever has. and working there you wouldnt have to put up with so many of these [sarcasm]horrible white folks born with bags of money in their hands and the lips of the world on their asses.[/sarcasm]
the reason you dont get along with them is in all reality probably because you are racist. as has been pointed out on previous posts and this one, you have a contemptable view of white men that is no different than the "me-love-you-long-time" stereotype you rage against. in other words, you are guilty of the SAME THING THAT UPSETS YOU.
you've mentioned christianity in your posts, im wondering if you ascribe to it yourself or if it's just a family thing. i honestly am curious how you reconsile that with such obvious venom as to say things like "if you are offended by what i say i hate you."(loose translation, well, clarification of your disclaimer on the "white boy" post)
@jjhappyme - seriously, was it that hard to understand? he wasnt saying there is some hypothetical green race of people. green = money. what he was saying is that the people who are in charge are too greedy for more cash to give a damn what the race of the person who makes it for them is.
@tchrys - right, and why does she get along with the few whites she does? because they are also "oppressed minorities." i would lay odds that she would not get along with a homosexual she thought to be straight. that is until she found out, and that the reverse would be true, she would get along fine with a straight male she thought to be homosexual until she knew he was straight.
I agree with you about not backing down and they have shit on a silver platter.
But lets not for get you are a korean girl by default, its a wide known theory that they are generally hot blooded!
haha, dont kill me please? Speaking from personal experience...Im half joking too, I'm happy your not being submissive to THE MAN, never back down.